B LorchBelinda Lorch - Instructor

CREATING COOPERATION THROUGH CONNECTION

 

Brain States
Understanding the brain states (our own as well as the child's) helps us use the Q.T.I.P. method when responding to children's negative behaviors:
Q.T.I.P. = Quit Taking It Personally

Brain Stem - Survival State:  Fight or Flight, Withdraw, Lie/Deceive
Developmental Age - birth to 15 months, Developmental Need - Safety
Limbic System - Emotional State: Back-talking, Sassy, Name Calling
Developmental Age - 15 months to 4 years, Developmental Need - Connection
Frontal Lobe - Thinking State: Problem Solving, Impulse Control, Decision Making
Developmental Age - 4 years to 8 years - not fully matured until age 25!!
Developmental Need - Problem Solving in a Social Setting

Connections with other people build neural connections within the brain, allowing adults to wire the child's brain for:

Cooperation always follows connection.

I Love You Rituals typically take less than a minute to do, but are powerful. They establish corticolimbic connections which help wire the brain for impulse control.  Some children know what to do but have a difficult time doing the right thing.  With the connection created by implementing I Love You Rituals into your classroom, willingness to cooperate is created.  I Love You Rituals must be done at eye level with the child.

There are four components of I Love You Rituals:
1) Touch     2) Eye Contact     3) Presence*     4) Playful situation

*Presence means being "in the moment" with the child; bring your mind to where your body is and focus on the interaction with the child. 

 

Benefits of I Love Your Rituals©:

 

 Provides sensory integration

Some children who have difficulty with connections will resist eye contact and/or touch, whether due to autism, sensory issues, or ability to accept emotional closeness, which is established by I Love You Rituals.  If this occurs, move closer to the child's face and when the child makes eye contact, lovingly say "There you are!" and proceed.  However, if the child still resists, try again later.  I Love You Rituals can be done one on one, or in a group setting and are enjoyed by children up to approximately 8 years old.

Being connected requires we NOTICE instead of JUDGE.  Noticing requires we
be present and increases frontal lobe stimulation.  Judging over-develops the limbic system (sassiness, back-talking, complaining).

To encourage a child who is withdrawing from the moment, notice their actions - "Your hands are like this."  When eye contact is made, connection is made and the child is now in their limbic system.  Move quickly to labeling their feelings as well as offer what happened (i.e.:  "You seem angry because she took your crayon.")  Verify this is what happened and ask, "What do you want her to do instead of taking your crayon?"  If the child cannot state what she wants, help the child give the other a visual of what she wants the other child to do, focusing on a positive action.  "Next time, ask me if you want the crayon."

Helping children learn what "nice" is:

Help children understand what we expect of them by noticing helpful acts.  Noticing helpful/kind acts increases self-esteem in a healthy way. 

  

The formula:

You (describe action) so (describe how the child helped ANOTHER human being).  That was (helpful, kind, considerate).

                                  STRESS
                                  ALWAYS
 
                                  SEROTONIN

Rewards and Punishment
Using rewards and punishment can be stressful to the children in our care.  When they receive a reward if they are helpful, the helpfulness gets devalued while the reward gets valued.  If we teach children to do the right thing because that's what we expect of them, and use the words "You did it!" they get a hit of serotonin which in turn increases self esteem, causing them to intrinsically want to do the right thing whenever they can.

Structures (classroom) that support connection/cooperation:

Job Board - Every child is a responsible part of the School FamilyTM.  Therefore every child will be given a job regardless of how many children are in the class. 
Then notice helpful acts through the Kindness Reporter job.  At the end of the day, count how many helpful/kind acts were done, starting and finishing the day with the most important concept; being helpful.

Shubert© Book Series for children and adults, by Dr. Becky Bailey - Shubert demonstrates helpful ways for children to solve problems while Mrs. Bookbinder models Conscious Discipline© strategies for adults.

 

School FamilyTM and Conscious Discipline® are trademarks of Loving Guidance, Inc.
Concepts adapted from the Conscious Discipline® program by Dr. Becky Bailey.
1-800-842-2846 www.ConsciousDiscipline.com